recovery
A Few Words
I could summarise my life before entering the doors of Silkworth Lodge as fairly normal. I was born in Jersey, living and working here for most of my life. I dreamed of starting a family and growing old here. I’m not an expert on addiction, I’m just someone who suffers from it.
My life became unmanageable slowly, day-by-day. There are moments that stand out, but ultimately my addiction gradually caught up to me and weighed so heavily on my life and those that I loved, that I felt paralysed, trapped in a cycle of existence rather than living. I had lost all sense of value for life and the things in it – including myself.
I sought medical assistance, both for my physical concerns and my mental health. Every member of staff I have encountered, whether at my GP Surgery, the Drug and Alcohol Service, or Jersey’s General Hospital, they have all been outstanding. Nevertheless, I entered the doors of Silkworth Lodge, with a failing body and a promise from my Consultant that if I continued in my addiction, I would die. I had needed the help of Silkworth Lodge for several years. The best decision I have ever made, was asking for it.
Residential Treatment
Before entering Residential Treatment, I required a detox. This took place at the General Hospital and once complete, I spent a couple of nights in an offsite residential facility run by the Silkworth team. Then, I was ready to move into Silkworth Lodge.
My first challenge was a simple lunch. Something that would have posed a number of problems for me only a week or so before. Meeting new people, talking about myself, living in an unfamiliar place. I’d surrendered, if you like, to the process. I’d tried all available options to me in the past and I had nothing left. Not even any room for anxiety or worry. But the standout feeling for me, was how I felt welcomed. I knew that my fellow residents were here for help too, and that the staff were trained and qualified to give that help.
The routine and guidelines to daily life at Silkworth Lodge can appear on paper, daunting. But, hindsight lets me see that I’d already held myself in a strict pattern of coping, and a little positive structure was just what I needed.
My first few days were straightforward. Get settled as best I could. The first victory almost floored me, a good night’s sleep without a drink or drug. A weight had been lifted – I could physically feel it. I was in a safe space. Carefully, I was guided into therapeutic sessions, tasks, and assignments, which allowed me to learn more about myself, discover positive ways of coping with life on life’s terms, as well as connecting with my fellow peers.
Naturally, we were faced with difficulty. I personally had to come to terms with the fact that I was not well, and my loved ones did too. That is not easy, and although there is no promise that Silkworth Lodge can bring everyone in your life on your journey, I was handed the tools to do what I can.
Treatment gave me the chance to reflect and explore troubles in my past, with the time and patience to see them for what they are and the impact those events have had on me, my friends, and my family. Ultimately, I have been taught to let go of what I cannot control, and understand what is in my power to address, both in my life today, and for the future.
Friendship was not something I was particularly looking for from treatment, but something that I found nonetheless. I was able to forge a unique bond with my peers, strengthened by the laughter and tears of our shared journeys. That bond is invaluable, not only for the experience, but in continuing to pay dividends in support months later.
Early Recovery
After I graduated from Silkworth Lodge, I left to move into their Secondary Care Facility. An option with almost complete autonomy, but still with the support and guidance benefits of Primary Treatment. The first evening where I was in control of the schedule, I wasn’t looking for the sofa and the tv, I was more interested in the first meeting I could attend. I was ready to get into my new life in early recovery as soon as possible.
During the very early days my integration into normal living was helped by a phased reduction of scheduled support, ranging from half-day treatment, to individualised therapy and assignments. To summarise, I have all the freedoms I need to live my life, with a support network close at hand. It was simple enough to begin easing into normality, with my approach being to introduce life – where possible – around my recovery. A luxury not normally afforded to those suffering from addiction.
The balance allows me to ramp up my integration and slow down my progress as I see fit and as always I have experienced staff and peers to help me. This has also allowed me in supporting others where I can, both those in and out of treatment.
Life has come at me, as we knew it would. Things that would have crippled me if I were still in active addiction, are no longer controlling my life. I am prepared to face challenge, but most importantly I am no longer afraid. Silkworth Lodge has given me a new perspective on life and helped turn the mere thought of hope into a life filled with positivity and growth, one day at a time.
Today, I keep things simple. I have goals and dreams, but I do not live in the future or in the past. I do not set expectations and I do not let my old ways control me. Each day is a gift and I fill it with recovery.
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