recovery
Rehab Experience
By the time I entered Silkworth, I believed my life was over. I was mentally, physically, and
spiritually broken. I truly believed I was beyond repair and had lost all hope not just in myself,
but in life and in people.
Addiction has always been part of my story. I grew up in a single-parent household with a
functioning alcoholic. My mother was successful in her career, but alcohol was always present.
Looking back, I can see my own addictive tendencies began very early. As a child, I sucked my
thumb, something that brought me comfort but also deep feelings of shame, as I was often
ridiculed and punished for it. That sense of needing something to soothe me and then feeling
guilt for it stayed with me.
When I was around 13, I was physically forced to stop through a dental brace. I didn’t realise it
at the time, but I had lost my main coping mechanism. Not long after, I turned to cigarettes,
initially stealing them and then buying them myself. By that age, I had also been exposed to
alcohol and cannabis. What started as occasional use gradually became more regular.
From a young age, I learned that one habit would replace another. By 16, smoking was a daily
occurrence. By 17, when I left home, I was smoking regularly, drinking on weekends, and using
cannabis. At that stage, alcohol didn’t feel like a problem but when I drank, I drank to excess,
often blacking out or ending up in difficult situations.
As I got older, these patterns became normalised. Even as I built a career and raised my
daughter, I never fully stopped. I did reduce my drinking during pregnancy, but it didn’t take long
after for the behaviours to return, this time more hidden, more secretive, and more tied to guilt
and shame.
Over time, I convinced myself I could not function without alcohol. I believed I needed it to sleep,
to cope, to manage life. When I became a professional, I stopped using cannabis out of fear of
being discovered, but my drinking worsened. In many ways, alcohol became my only outlet.
From the outside, I was functioning. I had a career, responsibilities, and structure. But internally,
I was struggling deeply.
When I moved to Jersey for a professional role, I hoped it would be a fresh start. Instead, things
deteriorated quickly. I was already emotionally fragile, and it was not long before everything
began to unravel. Being called into work and told that alcohol could be smelled on me was a
turning point. After that, I spiralled. I went missing, and I believe I had a mental breakdown.
Much of that time is a blur. I remember being referred to mental health and drug and alcohol
services, and feeling completely defeated. I genuinely believed my life was over. It was during this time that I first heard about Silkworth. By then, I was willing to try anything. I knew I could not continue as I was.
During Rehab
I remember praying for the opportunity to go to rehab, something I had never been offered
before. In the past, I had tried to engage with services, but I struggled to connect and eventually
disengaged. I also attended some support meetings, but I didn’t feel able to be open, and I did
not feel that I fitted in. By the time I was in Jersey, I knew I needed something more intensive,
something that could truly help me change.
The chance to detox and enter a 12-week residential programme felt like a lifeline.
The lead-up to detox was filled with anxiety. I was afraid I would not be accepted, and I was very
much aware how much was at stake. When I was given the opportunity to address my demons
something shifted. For the first time in a long time, I felt a sense of hope.
From detox through to the residential programme, my faith in people began to return. I felt
supported, cared for, and understood in a way I had not experienced before.
At Silkworth, I began to understand that alcohol was not the root of my problems, it was the way
I had learned to cope with life. The real work was in addressing my thinking, my patterns, and
the underlying causes of my addiction.
What stood out to me was how professional yet nurturing the environment was. I was treated as
an individual, not just another “case.” The programme felt personal to me, tailored to my
experiences, and that made all the difference.
For the first time in my life, I felt worthy. I began to believe that I had a purpose. I learned to let
go of parts of my past and to start living in the present.
I went into the programme wanting to stop drinking. What I gained was far greater, I gained
understanding, coping tools, and a completely different way of living. I also learned that rehab is not a quick fix. It is the beginning of a journey. The importance of aftercare, continued support, and staying connected was made clear, and I chose to continue into the next phase of the programme.
That decision is one of the best I have ever made.
After Rehab
I am now in the third phase of the Silkworth programme, having completed the initial 12-week
residential treatment and continued through secondary care.
The secondary phase provided me with a real sense of security while learning to live life on life’s
terms. Having access to 24/7 support from staff and support workers who consistently went
above and beyond, allowed me to stabilise, build confidence, and begin applying what I had
learned in a safe and supported environment.
Transitioning into the third phase has been a gradual step toward independence. The support is
still there, but in a reduced and more structured way, which has helped me begin reintegrating
into everyday life while still feeling supported.
One of the most important aspects of Silkworth, in my experience, is this understanding that
recovery is not rushed. It is not treated as a checklist, but as a personal journey, with each
individual supported at their own pace.
Even now, I continue to attend group therapy sessions each week, where I share my experiences and also learn from others. I attend aftercare regularly, alongside people at different stages of recovery, which helps me stay grounded, connected, and committed to my sobriety.
There is a genuine sense of community and continuity, and that has been vital for me. Silkworth did not just help me stop drinking, it helped me rebuild my life. It gave me the tools to understand myself, to cope in healthier ways, and to live with purpose.
Without it, I truly believe I would not be here today. I do not see myself as “fixed,” and that is not my goal. I am a work in progress, and I accept that. What has changed is that I now have hope. I believe in a life beyond addiction, and I am actively living it.
I am now looking ahead to a new direction in my career, something I would never have thought possible before. I also hope, in time, to give back, to support others in the way I was supported. Silkworth has been described as a “little house of miracles,” and in my experience, that feels incredibly accurate. Today, I am no longer living in active addiction. I am a work in progress, an alcoholic in recovery who has hope, purpose, and a life I never believed was possible.
Silkworth didn’t just change my life, it saved it.
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